5.9.10

Dear Tyler Perry:

I think that it's time to stop making movies.

"Why Did We Get Married, Too" was the worst. The ultimate worst.

I've seen the first, WDWGM and although it wasn't the greatest of films, it was good enough for me to watch the sequel. Now, because I'd seen the original, I knew that I wasn't exactly picking up "The Wood" or "The Best Man" (both of which, I love), but I wasn't expecting it to be the longest 121 minutes of my life. Marc and I weren't super surprised that all the copies were available in the rental place (seeing as an aviator-wearing little bird recently informed me that our town is 97.4% White...and it's an all Black cast), but now we've learned that it's probably because it is...

The Worst Movie Ever.

Here are my horrendous examples on why you need to retire.

1. Sterotypical Black women's behaviour seems to be at the forefront of your "comedic" writing. It's not funny to see women screaming at their men, just for the sake of it. You need to work harder in finding engaging and funny dialogue. Jill Scott is AMAZING (have you seen the "No 1 Ladies Detective Agency?!) and you underused her abilities, BIG TIME.

2. Your storylines were predictable, in the worst way. Like, I'd think about the most unbelievably cheesy "worst case scenario" and BAM - it suddenly appeared on the screen. For example: The screaming match that ended up with the husband driving off in a huff...and then getting hit by a car (that the wife watches happen. obviously). Or how about the former abusive husband who somehow achieves redemption by making a phone call and then getting cancer? Better yet, insanely obvious foreshadowing (as in, every single other character talks about it...) that one of the female leads "has never looked better" and then, surprise surprise, it's revealed that she's been having an affair.

*WARNING: This is a hot button issue with me...*
3. Wife-Battery. How dare you have Jill Scott's character do ANYTHING for that asswipe! His character neither acknowleged nor took accountability for his abusive actions, yet, in the end, you had her character going behind her new (awesome) husband's back and taking him to chemo. So what, just because he needs her now, suddenly it's all forgiven?!
Also, the horrific scene with Janet Jackson's charcter and her husband was stomach-turning for NO REASON. It had nothing to do with plot, and if anything, simply showed that she'd been living, in silence, with an abusive man for 14 years. Men who act like that don't just do it "once," but the way you wrote it, like he was retaliating against her because she wouldn't do a 50/50 divorce settlement, was unconscionable.
You wrote these women all wrong, like they were weak, not able to take care of themselves, or somehow deserving of the violence.
If you actually did any fucking research, you'd learn quite quickly that survivors of battery are among the strongest people you've ever met and there's NEVER a "reason." EVER.

4. Why was the Rock only in the last 15 seconds? He's awesome, better looking than any other lead male characters you cast, and would have made this movie 1,000 times better. Standing Tall's awful writing didn't deter from me loving that flick! He could have been given a way larger part...and a way better suit. Were you serious about that suit? It was not good. It looked super cheap and wasn't tailored in the slightest. You said he was some millionaire philanthropist, for crying out loud!

5. The story, in general, didn't make a whole lot of sense and I was left with many, many logistical questions. Did they go back to the Bahamas for those candle things (ps. the special effects there were epic)? How did they afford another trip so soon? What happened to the firm? Did Janet get everything? Does Mike die? Are all the dudes now friends?!? How come that screaming lady never wakes up her kids when she's yelling at her husband?!? ARGGRR!!

6. This will be the final point, as I feel that I could actually go on forever and your movie has already stolen 2 hours from my life. The dialogue you gave your own character, is just.so.bad. When you're accusing your wife of having an affair, I'm pretty sure that the average jo-blow wouldn't be reciting dates!
"What happened when you came home on July 8th, happier than you've ever been? Or on August 17th, when you came home and made mad love to me?"
That's not really how a convo like that would go down and although you intended that to be a dramatic moment (I could tell by the music...strings, of course) I was left, with Marc, in absolute stitches.

So yeah, you need to figure out another career path, or start some writing classes or something. I'm not a professional writer, by any means, but I have a brain...and it had a hard time staying focused on your film because it was equal parts boring and enraging.

ps. I just Googled it and your spectacular sequel earned 1.5 stars out of 5.

That information would have been useful...yesterday.



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