Dear Angelina:

I watched your horrifically-embarrassing performance on last night's Jersey Shore and I feel like I need to tell you some things.

Pearl of Wisdom 1: 
Yelling, screaming, shrieking or overusing the f-bombs aren't the best ways to get your point across. You may feel that screeching over people will 'win' you an argument, but it really just makes people want to punch you in the face (demonstrated by the Snook-ttack). 

Pearl of Wisdom 2:
Sleeping in somebody else's bed, with your sexy-time-partner, without asking first is bad. When the bed-owner gets upset with your inconsiderateness, take it as an opportunity to redeem yourself with an apology (please refer to Pearl of Wisdom 1 for clarification on how to deliver the apology). Note, that this is not an appropriate time to randomly start screaming at them (again).  

Pearl of Wisdom 3:
When you constantly repeat, "I don't care what you think of me" but still stay in the Situation, then it's abundantly clear you do care. Care so much, in fact, that anybody watching from an outside perspective (you know, like the rest of the world) can see you're acting out of hurt and desperately want the others to like you. Please either stop saying you 'don't care' or actually stop caring. Better yet, just chill out.

Pearl of Wisdom 4:
Playing the victim during self-inflicted turmoil is ridiculous and makes you look like an even bigger idiot (if that's actually possible). Also, you need to stop running around telling everyone how nice you are, when there is little evidence to support your claims.

Additional Comments:
I feel that you stumbled into a land of double standards regarding random bar hook-ups, but I admire your tenacity in sticking to your guns and doing what you want. Of course, the fall-out to living like that means you will inevitably end up with somebody's 'sloppy seconds,' so you can't be surprised or outraged when that happens.
Deep down, you may be a nice person, but your attitude and behavior is atrocious. The other cast-members and their (mis)adventures are entertaining and lighthearted (for the most part) where you choose to live your life in the midst of seriously uncessary drama. This makes people not want to be near you, in any capacity. 
Please, please, please please watch the show and try to learn from it.
Or don't, and get some random spin-off-reality-dating show. 
Whatever works, I suppose...


  1. Couldn't have said it better...she is really really really annoying. The show was much better when she was gone.

    (Well, as good as that show could be.)

  2. Jessi - I fully agree with you (that it got better without her and then was as good as it could be).

    Thanks Janet! ps. Your glasses are super cute!


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