29.6.10

Police Logistics

The G-20 was a total shit show. Way more intense than I ever thought it would be. Huge barricades, highway closures and an unavoidably dense police force...followed by riots, firebombing of police cruisers and a tonne of downtown destruction. Blah, blah, blah. I'm allowed to be surprised because I don't pay much attention to world news. However, I'd expect my elected officials to be slightly more in the know. So how come nobody saw that mayhem coming?

Anyway, there was a fairly memorable thing we saw that had me laughing all weekend.

We were walking back from supper (a really delicious supper, thank you Jamie!) and saw a cluster of about 10 police officers at the SE corner of Front and Blue Jays Way, just standing around. Then, a Budget Rent-A-Truck pulls up beside them and 2 guys get out. They get to the back of the truck and start handing out folding chairs to a few of the officers. When they turned back to get into the truck, we saw what their red t-shirts said, in large white letters: Police Logistics.

Amazing.

Then, a new friend said they saw another Police Logistics truck handing out tiny bags of Doritos. I can just hear the message over the radio.

*squack*. Uh, yeah. This is Officer Daniels *squack* Yeah, we're feeling a little peckish and could really go for a snack. *squack* We saw Logistics handing out Doriots across the street, but uh, we're not really feeling the Nacho Cheese. *squack* Can, uh, you send a new unit with some Cool Ranch? *squack* Repeat that, central *squack* We're looking for Cool Ranch.

Way to snack instead of protecting those business. And nothing says, "Officer on duty" quite like 10 dudes sitting in a circle (which means at least half aren't watching anything at all) eating Pizza Pizza and Doritos. It looked like a typical Friday night in a suburban basement...plus the riot gear, of course. What an embarrassment.

Dear Cradle 2 The Grave:

How did you not score an academy award nomination?

You only have the greatest cast ever: DMX, Tom Arnold, Jet Li and that annoying guy who now appears on Law & Order.

For reals. The acting is so real I feel like I'm watching a documentary about stolen black diamonds that the prop department should be super proud of. The writing is, frankly, spectacular and only moderately plays to the Black sterotype with little gems like, "Shit, I ain't got the stones homie."

Fight sequences? Awesome.

Special Effects? Mind-Blowing.

I love you.

25.6.10

Dear Lady in the Focus:

You are my new hero.

Here's what happened.

She was stopped at a red light, you know, because that's the general purpose of a red light. Then, a police escort with some political big-wig decided that they needed to block the intersection and let the parade of cars through.

Since the woman was at the lights first, she was in the centre lane and therefore didn't really have anywhere to go, unless she was to turn down another street - clearly, she didn't want to do this. So despite 4 police officers on motorcycles yelling at her to move, she stood her ground and in response to their screaming at her to get out of the way, she yelled...

FUCK YOU! (and may have possibly given them the finger as well)

My fellow patio members and I then gave her a round of applause and she continued on her way.

I love this city.

All the Good Words

Had my yearly checkup with my mega-doctor in Hamilton yesterday, and I got the best news.

As of last year, my doctor estimated that the new antibody that could cure me had been massively delayed from anywhere to six - 10 years. This was a major bummer and really contributed to our decision to move out East.

A year can apparantly make a world of difference because now he's saying that the drug should be available for me in about 18 - 24 months! Yes, that does say months!

Obviously, I burst into tears of happiness before I could contain myself...and he kept talking, so there was some info towards the end of the appointment that I just did not hear, but it doesn't matter because I'm going to cured in TWO YEARS!!!!

Question: Is 730 days too long to start a countdown?

I'm a genius!!

Just checked the UNB site to see if my mark was up, and it was!

A+ baby!

I can feel all the business knowledge whipping around in my brain like a hurricane. Muah ha ha ha!!

See...this is where I'd insert that Jay-Z line. Dammit.

Whatever, I'm going to have to come up with something else. It doesn't matter though, because I'm basically the host of the smarty party. I'm soooooo getting a new pair of shoes!

Woot Woot!

22.6.10

Dear Makers of the Backup 'Beep Beep:'

I have a suggestion.

Instead of the BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP,
Why not a little melody? Keep the beeps, but make they play a song or something.

Or a computerized voice that's saying, "Backing up, move it, get out of the way?"

How about a little classic rock? That gets your attention. Although, I feel that could have logistical problems. Whatever, throw the concept to your R&D Department... that's why you pay the engineers the big bucks!

I mean, I get that it has to be loud so you can hear it, but I think it could be just as noticeable if it anything else as long as it's as loud.

Work it out people!

New American Discoveries

Marc and I went to the States on the weekend to get some sugary snacks. Each time we go, we wander the isles of the Houlton Wal-Mart looking for things we don't have here. This is what we found on Sunday.

1. Strawberry Marshmallows - which taste like marshmallows at first and then like strawberry syrup. We can't wait to make some s'mores with these!

2. Butterfinger bar - A flat chocolate bar filled with Butterfinger bits. Family size for $1! Again, we're pretty excited about the s'more situation.

3. Oreo Dips - like the individual crackers with spreadable cheese, but it's Oreo sticks that you dip into the icing! Amazing. Delicious.

4. Fruit Punch Crystal Light - tastes like Hawaiian Punch but no calories!

Love, love, love that we're less than an hour from these wonderful discoveries. It's a fun way to spend a morning or afternoon.

We also bought a box of Macaroni and Cheese, our equivalent of Kraft Dinner, and had an international dinner when we came home. I must say, that the Mac and Cheese is way cheesier than or Kraft Dinner, so we'll be buying some more when we go back down.

As an aside, it appears that the American Custom Officials take their job waaaaaaaay to seriously while the Canadian Customs Officers crack jokes and forget to ask you for your passport...or check that you're not bringing back contraband.

I heart Canadians.

20.6.10

Heaven

We found heaven yesterday on the Nashwaaksis river (spelling tbc...haha!). Marc and I have never seen anything like it.

Here's the deal:

You show up at one of two places to drop off your car, get changed and pick your tube (netting on the inside or not). Then, a dude drives you up in a huge van, with all the tubes and drops you off 4km upriver. Once you get your tube in the river and attach the cooler tube (cooler in a smaller tube) to someone, the current just carries you along!

There were 2 islands that we cruised past, one with a bbq selling snacks! We also met up with all the other tubers (you're spaced 30 minutes apart so that isn't supposed to happen...) because there was a spot where the current just died. I remember the dude saying something about keeping right and left at certain points, but nobody could exactly remember the details. So, after about 30 minutes of not moving at all, we realized, "Hey, we aren't going anywhere!", so we started paddling a little. Soon, we picked up the current again and were floating along.

We'd hit spots where it was "bums up" because the water was a little low. Marc looked like he had an accident in his pants because he was wearing white trunks.

Lesson learned: No white bottoms.

Our float ended up being about 3.5 hours. Just amazing! We all got some colour...some more than others...and some got a little crispay! I got a random burn at the bottom of my shin, and then along the side of my right boob. Pretty good really!

This is seriously what I want to do for the rest of the summer and will be a mandatory activity for visitors.

A lazy river. Outside. Who woulda thunk it?

19.6.10

Funniest Text Ever!!

Message on my phone.

Computer generated voice says, welcome to the mobile text to landline service.

Then, a monotone voice reads:

"I love you. That's a fact. You can take that to the bank."

I laughed so hard I started crying...and have obviously saved the message.

Lynda - I didn't realize how empty my life was without you!!

17.6.10

The Terrifying Chicken...

So the slingshot chicken that I got from dannabananas didn't make any noise. It was supposed to "cock a doodle do" when you flung it, but my chicken was a mute. I'm getting a new one in the mail next week.

Because it was broken, I gave it to the dogs. They've been playing with it all day.

Inside.

Outside.

Inside.

Outside.

And now, at just after 10pm, I'm in the kitchen when I hear a crumpled cock a do----- and then silence again. It scared the crap out of me and now Pickle is attacking it with such a vengeance (the spell check just changed that. What a strange looking word!) that he's tuckered himself out and is now sleeping on the chicken...which is the natural choice when he's hoarding it from Pepi (although he doesn't seem to mind...so mellow!).

So basically, now I have to throw it out because I do not like being scared and that is scary. I'll think that it's haunted, or there's a ghost or something making it happen. Like, what happens when it goes off and there's nothing around it?

I'll tell you what happens.

I get super scared, can't sleep and generally freak out. Especially if I'm alone....like now...

This chicken is for sure being evicted.

Dear People Building a House Behind Us:

Please, shut the front door!

When will you be finished?!?

I walked by yesterday and it looked like it was almost done. Why the backing up noises? The slamming? It's impossible to have the windows open.

ssssssttttttttttoooooooooppppppppppppp

Extreme Poodles

TLC has a show where very creative dog groomers, dye and groom poodles into just about anything. And I mean a-n-ything.

Last night, there was a roller-derby girl, a lion with a zebra and a giraffe, and a little poodle with a snake wrapped right around it. These dogs aren't dressed up. It's all dye and then the haircut. They had 3 hours to do the cut, with they dye jobs happening before.

The dogs just seemed to love it, I would love to know how they get their dogs to be so chill. There's no friggin way that either of ours would handle that.

There was also a dog that looked like Pepi and his white spot on his head was dyed neon green and it was awesome.

Look out Pepi.

Last Class Bash!

I can't believe I'm already finished my first course!

Question: How do I know it was a good decision?

Answer: The last 6 weeks have flown by!

I'm a little scared about the final exam; it's been about 8 years since I had to write an exam. Plus, it's worth 39% of my final grade. The course breakdown is so random. I got 8.75 on an assignment. Tell me, what's .75 of one percent? Does it round up? I get that it's easier to have round numbers at the end, but writing a long paragraph for 1.25 marks has gotten a little old. I wonder if other courses will be like this as well. I've been doing well though...never thought I'd be a businessperson.

Businessperson...that sucks. I was a dude so I could be a businessman...businesswoman is too much of a mouthful (and, according to the red dotted underline, also not a word - although businessman is one...balls!).

Anyway, I'm just a little sad that I won't be able to somehow work in a Jay-Z line into casual conversation. You know, it goes:

"I'm not a businessman, I'm a business, man."

Glorious. I friggin love Jay-Z.

But I'm sad that I can't use it...although if it was 1997 and I had the first version of my license, I would have government documentation that says I'm a male. Yes - my first license had M under the 'sex' category. Normally, you have to fill out a bunch of paperwork to have government-issued identification altered, but when I went up to the counter, my cleavage got the job done sans paperwork...


16.6.10

Technical Problems

I have found three small technical problems a la clothesline.

1. That different things take longer to dry than others. When some things are dry at the end, I can't get to them because there are wet things that are in the middle. The easy solution would be to figure out what takes longer and put it on accordingly, but that's really a "good on paper" idea and not super applicable to the way I do things - like I'd ever do that consistently!

2. There's this claw-thing with two wheels that's supposed to keep the line closer together, but it just ends up cramping my drying style as it hits the metal attachy-thingy and then I can't put anything else on.

3. I can't get the clothes to not show the clip marks from the clothespins.

I must say - this is a little more complicated than I had thought it would be, but the payoff is worth it. Sheets and towels that smell like nature and a lower electric bill. Woot Woot!

13.6.10

Dear Mr. Jackrabbit:

I'm happy those foxes didn't eat you.

I also think it's funny that you don't seem to be bothered by the boys' barking.

And, no offense, you kind of looked better gray...

Dear MarioKart:

You are the best game ever. The attack methods are hilarious! I get excited when I'm in last place, because that usually means a Bullet or a POW or a lightning bolt. It's hard not to get into it after one race. Marc and I just played two tournaments and it was a really fun way to start the day!

Toad + The Bullet Bike = championships....just saying.


Bring it (if you have a Wii and want to play online!!), but rest assured you'll be crying to yo Mama!

Ugh, Twilight.

Sunday mornings. Rainy. Muggy. Crappy. The only movie that's on the 100 movie stations we have is Twilight. This movie blows. I read of Perez how awkward Kristen Stewart is, and yes - she most certainly is awkward. Does nobody else think this movie has a creepy premise? It's like Memoires of a Geisha, but creepier as Edward is like 100!! Going out with a 17-year old! EW!!!! EEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW!

Plus he's sickly looking. I don't get the R-Patz obsession. I'm much rather look at Jacob, although that makes me kind of gross as he's also a minor (or maybe just walking the fine line of adulthood). Basic deal: I'll watch these bad-boys on planes, but I think that's about it.

However, we have maple bacon!! Bacon makes everything better. Plus hot tea!!

12.6.10

I have no arms

It's been 10 minutes since I've finished whippersnipping and now my arms are about as useful as a snow cone in the arctic.

An umbrella in a desert.

Insert third witty comment....

I can barely type.

But my biceps are huge! bahaha!!!


Whip it Good!

Just finished up my first whipper-snipping job ever! It always seemed like a fun thing and I wasn't disappointed. I got rid of all the dandelion heads in our ditch and it looks so much better. It was like giving the lawn a hair cut and I really liked the swooping motion as the heads flew off and the smell of gas that filled the air. Maybe not the most eco-friendly of options, but it was really a good time. Whippersnip! Whippersnip!!

I think it's going to be a stinker of a day today. Better bring my swimsuit when we visit Chez LeDouf!

11.6.10

Monkey Arms

I did my shaky-shaky with more vigor than usual yesterday and now feel like I can't fully extend my arms. I just caught a glimpse of myself and I look like Molly Shannon's guest character on Seinfeld...where I'm walking without really moving my arms.

Terrifying.

My New Love

This is the greatest tea pot in the world! Amazing packaging and a functional product are one of my favourite combos! Look at the glory that is this teacozy!

I want to have tea all day! I'm sad that Marc won't be home for like 5 hours because I want someone else to see it!

I also got some other amazing stuff, but two of them are a secret because they're presents for people. The other purchase is a slingshot chicken that 'cock a doodle doo's' when you fling it. The whole chicken is the slingshot, so you have to hold the head while pulling back on the legs. Pickle wants it ssssssssooooooo badly, but it's Mommy's toy!

If you're into amazing random gifts that you don't have to pay duty on, then check out www.danabananas.com.

10.6.10

So is the boredom...

Having a strange day today. I had a crazy nap. One of those dead sleeps that leave you feeling drained instead of perkier (my worst fear about taking naps). I had a crazy dream that I don't really remember, but the tone was a little facked up. I woke up about 10 minutes before I had to be out of the door, so I had to stop somewhere on the way to get some caffeine into me. It was like having flashbacks of undergrad, but instead of waking up tired after a night out, I was tired after taking a mid-morning nap after about 9 hours of sleep...and so it shall be called Senior-Flash-Forward....bahaha!!

Class was insane and full of investment lingo - lots to learn for Monday. However, it looks like I'll be cruising into the final exam with a good average - YAY! Oh, I missed it - I missed it so! I feel really good about the final as well, as I've really been studying for the tests. I'm hoping I'll just have to review instead of memorize. The final test will be multiple choice and then definitions instead of short answer. It was the professor's idea in order to make it easier. I find definitions a little harder than short answer, but everyone else in the class seemed to appreciate the change. I'm really happy about not taking the Labour Relations course later in the summer. The weather's been on a good streak again and I just want to hang outside and not worry about homework. When September comes though, I'll totally appreciate the work...so the point of it all anyway.

But yeah, so to go in a groggy fog to class that was ripe-full of information was an out-of-body experience. I took good notes, but will have to really study that stuff this weekend. I also think we're going on another cereal run on Sunday!!! LeDouf picked up a box of Fruity and Cupcake Pebbles for us last weekend (SCORE!!) and we'll get them on Saturday. I need to get some boxes for Jamie though, and next week I'll be in full-out study mode for the Final.

I friggin love Fruity Pebbles! I wish there was a shirt I could wear. Like the shirt I had when I was younger, which was a bowl of Froot Loops that - when you scratched it - smelt like Froot Loops. Seriously! Even when I washed it (gross otherwise, no?). Yes. I need to write Fruity Pebbles a letter...immediately.

And I'm Back...

What a crazy couple of weeks! My in-laws were here for a week-long visit and I had tests, assignments and a small bout of pneumonia to round it all off. Needless to say, I had a glorious day yesterday where I did absolutely nothing.

I'm getting a little angry at the house that's being built behind us as it's crazy loud at times and Pepi is freaking out. That dog just won't shut up sometimes!!

I think I'm going to go down for a little nappy-face before class at 1, but I'll have to corral Pepi beforehand so he doesn't wake me up with his piercing sounds!

I'm also getting really excited about Jules' bachelorette party in 2 weeks. It seems like so long ago when we were planning it out.

Man, I had garlic fingers for an early lunch and my tongue is on fire! I'll have to listerine and brush my teeth...and some perfume - the garlic just permeates everything! All right - nap time!