Just before Christmas, I was out doing some shopping and picked up a brand of razors that I don't usually purchase because there was a rebate for a $15 iTunes gift card. Usually, I forget to mail rebates but considering the total cost of the razors was $10, it made sense to clip the UPC code and sent it on in.
Finally, the gift card arrived on Friday! Yipee!! FREE MUSIC!!!
Naturally, I spent the next hour or so listening to new tracks and purchasing a few. As I was scanning the Top 100 songs, my gaze fell upon a name that I hadn't seen in quite some time. With my lip curled in disgust, I was confused on how this dude was still making music. It's not like he's the worst singer in the world, but I had an encounter with him in university that turned me off him for life. If you're not Canadian, or more specifically a Torontonian, then I wouldn't be surprised if you hadn't heard of him before.
His name is Shawn Desman.
|You can tell that he loves himself. And yes, that is a weird side-non-mohawk-thing on his head (it didn't catch on, thank jebus).|
When I was an undergrad student, I was heavily involved with my Student Union. One of my responsibilities was to greet and hang out with whatever musicians the SU would bring in for concerts. It was a pretty sweet job and I met a lot of really cool bands and virtually EVERYONE I was assigned to was great. In fact, there were times that I ended up liking a band's music more after meeting them and I got to meet a few big names along the way.
I'll give you one guess at who the douchiest McDouche was though...
Yes, it was Shawn Desman.
For the majority of you who've never heard of SD, he had a mildly popular song in the mid 2000's that gave some shout-out's to Toronto.
"This is how we rock it in the T-Dot" is a line from the chorus. Now, there aren't many songs out there that directly reference Toronto, so locals embraced it to a point even though the song sounded like a bootleg rip-off of some boy band. Considering I went to school in Fredericton, I didn't suspect that he'd be a major draw. Well, not only was he NOT a major draw, he was the worst selling concert in Student Union history. In a venue that can hold 3,000 students, he sold under 200 tickets.
No joke, TWO HUNDRED TICKETS!! We couldn't even give them away.
So as the concert night approached, I roped a gal pal into helping me because I knew that it would be lame and didn't want to be alone all night. The person in charge of booking the bands came into my office the morning of the concert and handed me a small box with a shy smile. Inside, I found the most RIDICULOUS assortment of things.
As I run through the contents of the box, please keep in mind that this dude had ONE moderately successful single and we are a UNIVERSITY campus, not some major venue.
The first gem I uncovered was a TWO PAGE list of SD's rider cart demands. Although it was a long time ago, I do remember the following highlights (mostly because it took me ALL DAY to put it together):
6 pairs white tube socks
6 pairs black tube socks
6-pack of white tanks
2, 8-packs of black Sharpie markers
1 bottle rum (specific brand, don't remember)
1 bottle vodka (specific brand, don't remember)
1 bottle tequila (specific brand, don't remember)
2, 24's bottles of beer (not cans, bottles)
Many, many different types of mixes
Sparking and flat bottles of water
Assorted sandwich tray
Assorted fruit tray
A bunch of specific candy
(if you can believe it, there was way more than this...)
Imagine my surprise as I scanned the list. Why on EARTH would I buy tube socks? Why would he need TWELVE pairs? SIXTEEN Sharpies? There were only 200 people coming! And just how much was he planning on drinking? He's only ONE PERSON!
I was mentally calculating how long it was going to take me when something at the bottom of the box caught my eye. As my hands held the addition up in front of my face, it took me a moment to register what I was looking at.
It was a blue, one-shouldered tank top with "Shawn Desman" written across the front in glittery graffiti. At the bottom of the rider demand sheet was a small sentence which informed me that any SU representative assigned to Shawn-y had to wear the tank. There were two in the box. Oh, and we didn't get to keep them, we had to give them back after the show.
So the SU was LOSING money with this idiot and now he wanted at LEAST a few hundred dollars worth of crap for his dressing room and for me to wear ugly merchandise? Forcing people to APPEAR like they're your fans when they're not is simultaneously sad and embarrassing. There was NO WAY that I was going to wear it and NO WAY I was going to make my friend (actually she thought it was hysterical and opted to wear it anyway).
So after I spent the better part of the morning scouring the city for his specific and insane demands, I thought that I'd done pretty well and returned back to campus to start setting up his dressing room. A few hours later, it looked awesome and I went back to my office to await his arrival. Well, he arrived all right, with TWO huge suburbans and...no joke...THREE bodyguards, his manager and two other dudes. The teeny singer (he was seriously short) briefly acknowledged my presence (probably because I wasn't wearing the shirt and my gal pal wasn't coming until closer to the concert time) before announcing that he was hungry. I told him that there were the sandwich and fruit trays in his dressing room but he decided that wasn't good enough and that he wanted to go out to a restaurant for dinner.
I had spent HOURS prepping and he wasn't even going to go inside?!
Nope, he really didn't. Everyone got back into their large black SUV's and took off (the SU received a bill a week later for the dinner. They picked the MOST EXPENSIVE restaurant in town...he's still waiting to be reimbursed...haha). He came back MOMENTS before having to perform and only sang two songs to the "crowd" before claiming that his voice wasn't "working" and bailed. Frankly, we were happy to get out of there.
When we went back to his dressing room to clean it out, THEY HAD TAKEN EVERYTHING!! There wasn't a single thing left on the TWO tables I needed to lay everything out.
So yeah, that was way back in the early 2000s and I hadn't heard much about him since until this week. I tried to find the photo shoot that my pal and I had (slightly wasted) after the concert, in our tanks (I begrudgingly put mine on for the concert with a little liquid lubrication) but couldn't find them.
It ended up being a pretty funny night really, after SD and his unnecessary entourage left, but all the rage came storming back when I saw his name on iTunes.
Dear Shawn Desman: you suuuuuuuuuuck.
Oh, and we didn't return the tanks....one may have been destroyed in a parking lot during the wee hours of morning after the concert.