Dear Brit Brit:

I feel like I need to share something with you.

It may hurt, but it's time for a little tough love.

Watching the Billboard Music Awards this morning on the PVR (translation: fast forward through the awards and watch the performances) I couldn't help but notice that every single person sang live...


"Hit me Baby (One More Time)," "Crazy," "Toxic," "Circus," I love 'em all! When you first came onto the scene, it was the 90s and lip-syncing during live performances didn't really bother people; we understood that your insane amount of dancing meant it was virtually impossible to hold a note.

However, dear Brit Brit, times have changed. There are others now. Others who can sing AND dance at the same time. 

I get that you had a meltdown and spent the last few years trying to piece things back together, and I commend your family's stepping-in to help (unlike some other Warlocks out there). It was clear that you'd gotten slightly off course when you attacked that photographer with an umbrella and I've been cheering for your comeback ever since.

I mean, who else could possibly have uttered the greatest words in musical history of:

It's Britney, bitch!

I'll tell you who...NOBODY!

Listening to your newest album, I immediately became obsessed with "Till the World Ends." Imagine my delight when I read that you'd be performing with Nikki Minaj at the Billboard Awards. You stepped in with Rhianna for her song "S&M" and this is where my heart fell.

Why, Brit Brit,

WHY do you LIP-SYNC?

Also, the pillow fight was an epic failure.

Do you not know that WE ALL KNOW you're not singing? You're not fooling ANYONE! Either SING into the microphone or DON'T COME OUT WITH ONE!

It's bad, Britney. BAD!

Everyone else sang live during their songs, for better or worse, and isn't that what music's all about? 

Now, if you'd been hopping across the stage, whipping your hair back and forth and gyrating alongside your backup dancers, then maybe I'd be more forgiving, but since you barely moved, there really is no excuse. Also, you don't even look like you ENJOY performing anymore. You hardly smiled at all.

So, dearest Britney, from what I saw this morning, there's no possible way that I'd spend upwards of $100 on a concert ticket to see you live because I wouldn't actually be seeing a live performance. Hearing the album played at an incredibly high volume is something I can do in my basement, while dancing with abandon and a feather boa, so if there's no crazy-insane dancing, I'm not sure that your upcoming tour will be as successful as you want.

I'm rooting for you girl, but it's not looking so good. Beyonce and Ke$ha blew you away.