Dear Skin:

With all due respect...

What the hell is going on?!

In the thirty years that you've coated my body, I've never once had to worry about you getting dry. In fact, most days, I was more focused on sucking oil out of you instead of lathering it on. Recently, though, things have changed.

Obviously, I'm writing you this letter because the change isn't good.

Not good, skin!

The MOMENT I turned thirty, all of your moisture seemed to pack up and jump ship. Each morning, I wake up to scale-y chalky sections of you on my legs. Sometimes, even in the middle of the day! Even on my arms!

For the first time in my life, I finished an entire container of moisturizer. And not just ANY moisturizer but Bliss' Sage and Lemon Body Butter!

Did I mention that I cracked it open on Christmas? That's like barely five weeks! 

PLUS, I even added a few drops of Bio Oil.

That's literal oil, skin! I'm putting OIL on you and you're still DRY! How is that possible? What do I have to do? BATHE in it?

So please, dear skin, get it together. If this is what it's going to be like for the next thirty years, well, let's just say that it's not going to be pretty. Mostly because you'll force me to sleep in a moisturizing suit and, trust me, you don't want that. It'd be like sleeping on a plastic covered couch.

ps. If anyone out there has any massive-moisturizer suggestions, please share your secrets. I'm really out of my element and need all of the help I can get. Dry skin hurts!