Underaged Foursome/The Day I Turned Into An Old Lady

DISCLAIMER: This post isn’t quite as inappropriate as the title suggests but it’s still kinda icky. You’ve been warned.

A couple of weeks ago, I was running some errands and got a wicked headache. Rather than waiting until I got home, I popped into a drugstore for some Advil. While perusing the aisles for a travel pack, I overheard a conversation that, frankly, is still moderately traumatizing.

So, there I was, in the Advil aisle, directly next to the birth control aisle, when a girlie voice filled the air.

“Are those big enough?” the voice asked.

“Probably. Hey, these ones are flavoured,” another girlie voice said.

Tee-hee-hee! Someone’s browsing the condom section, I thought to myself and proceeded to take my sweet time so I could hear more.

“Whoa, these ones are huge!”

“Will 12 be enough?”

“I don’t know but I don’t want to come back.”

“These ones glow in the dark!”

When I turned the corner to head to the cash, I saw that the girls were, in fact, teenagers.

Wow! Not only are these responsible girls but they’re responsible TEEN girls.

Bravo kiddies, is what I wanted to say (but didn’t). Then, two guys came down the aisle to join them. Naturally, I pretended to be interested in mouthwash so I could keep listening.

“I hate cherry,” one of the dudes said.

“Why does it have to taste like something, anyway?” the other dude asked.

“Fine,” the first girl said. “We’ll just get this one.”

WOW! These must be the most responsible teens ON THE PLANET! They’re buying contraceptives TOGETHER! Amazing! Maybe those seasons of Teen Mom are starting to rub off.

But then, something strange happened. The kids ended up in front of me in line at the cash and I noticed that, instead of buying condoms, they were buying lube. LUBE! And, let me be clear here, there was only one bottle.  

ONE bottle!

Are they seriously buying lube? Why only one bottle? Did they plan on sharing it? Who shares lube? WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?

*insert traumatizing plethora thoughts regarding inappropriate teenage sexual activity*

*stares into space after brain shuts down*

In a matter of seconds, the four teenagers who I had formerly praised in my head for being uber mature, morphed into pre-school children. Complete with diapers and soothers. I mean, condoms are one thing but isn’t lube a little advanced for teens? When did teen sex go from being awkward and clumsy to slick and lube-y? Just the act of having sex was excitement enough for me when I was their age but now kids are buying supplemental sexy-time products? What year is this? Where am I? Also, when did I become one of those people who remarks, “When I was their age?”

So, dear readers, I ask you this: Have you ever had a “remind you of your age” experience? If so, please share it. There’s solace in numbers and I need me some solace.

But now, I’m afraid that you must excuse me. I need to take a Silkwood shower and then catch the early bird supper special. I believe it’s an open-faced turkey sandwich today. Mmmm…..

I've Got One Lovely Blog (or so I've been told)

You know what makes Mondays better?

AWARDS!!

And The Bubbly Muppet gave me this one!

*fires glitter cannon*

I LOVE AWARDS! They're like presents for your blog and I LOVE PRESENTS!

I've been lucky enough to get tagged a few times with get-to-know-you awards so I had to rack my big sexy brain for seven new facts.

And here they are!!

1. When I was a tween, I took a gardening course. Unfortunately, I don't remember anything about gardening because the instructor had a super-hot son and he got most of my attention. I was also really into ABBA at the time and the instructor would let me play their tape (yes - a cassette) while we dug in the dirt. Even now, when I hear: So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me S.O.S., I get a flash of the hottie-son and feel the need to scrub under my nails. 

2. I'm a firm believer in Karma. To the point where, if I do something that I know is wrong, I basically wait for the Universe to punch me in the throat. Which it does - every time. Maybe it's a self-fulfilling prophecy but it keeps me in check. 

3. I have a serious beef with that Excel commercial. You know, that one with the cartoon characters of food that are supposed to represent bad breath? There's a slice of pizza, an onion, coffee and a donut. Whenever I see it, I have to resist the urge to scream: WHY IS THERE A DONUT?? Donuts don't give you bad breath! In fact, I bet they make your breath better! It's a counterproductive commercial, Excel - COUNTERPRODUCTIVE!

4. And speaking of commercials, there's nothing freakier than the Snuggle bear. *shudders*

5. Back in the day, I wanted to change my name to Zelda. I even signed my diary entries with a loopy "Z." Oh, and I was almost convinced that I could control the weather. Yes, I read a LOT growing up, which explains my incredibly overactive imagination. As such, diary entries from ages 10 - 12 are fairly mortifying.

6. Pre-marrying-The-Remix, I had three serious relationships. Of those three, two of the guys were named "Matt." Pre-marrying-Me, The Remix had two serious relationships. Both girls were named "Tara." Luckily, we learned from our mistakes. 

7. Despite being 30, a friend and I went to see Beauty and The Beast in 3D a few months ago. Yes, it was amazing. And yes, we sang along. 

The award says that I have to tag 15 people but that's a little intense. Plus, The Bubbly Muppet already tagged a few blogs that I had in mind. So If you're looking for a little blog-speration for a posting, then consider yourself awarded!

Thanks Muppet!! And if you haven't checked out her blog already, DO IT! She's quite inspirational in the healthy-living department and is cute as a button!

The Nail Files: Mod-nificent Sparkles

This week, I thought I'd try something new. Specifically, Sally Hansen's Xtreme Wear polish.

Spoiler alert: It went VERY well.

 Sally Hansen Xtreme Wear's White On, China Glaze's Turned Up Turquoise (neon), OPI's Crown Me Already and Fresh Frog of Bel Air.

Two coats of White On and Turned Up Turquoise, then one coat of Crown Me Already and Fresh Frog of Bel Air.

Now, I'd read some pretty good reviews on The Nail Files but - man - you ladies weren't lying about Xtreme Wear being a good polish choice. I have to say that White On is pretty much the best white polish I've ever used. It went on smoothly and had great coverage. Plus, it costs less than THREE DOLLARS per bottle!! Also, I took this picture a week after doing them and they were chip-free...WITHOUT a base coat (because I was lazy). 

Un-be-freaking-believable!

So THANK YOU to the lovely ladies who introduced me to this fantastic drug-mart brand. My bank account thanks you, too.

And thanks to Tara and Vicki for hosting!

Book Club Friday: The Tennis Party

This week, I'm reviewing this:

*points*

A couple of the lovely ladies who hook up for Book Club Fridays have reviewed books by Sophie Kinsella’s alter-writer-ego, Madeleine Wickham, so when I saw one at my local Costco, I picked it up. Truth be told, there were a few but this one caught my eye because I love to play tennis! And I love parties! Needless to say, I was pretty psyched to get started on The Tennis Party.

The story takes place at Patrick and Caroline’s country-ish mansion, over a weekend that was supposed to be centered around a tennis tournament. At first, I fell in love with the idea of collecting my friends for a two-day round-robin of my favourite sport but soon, things started to fall apart like a bad weave.

I won’t get into the intricacies of how all of the characters know each other because that would be a little spoiler-y but I will say that there were some unclear connections. Well, maybe not unclear but certainly unconvincing. Like everything was just a little too convenient to be happening, you know?

The Tennis Party is a relatively short novel – a little over 300 pages. And, as such, there isn’t a ton of room for character development. Let alone room to flush out all eight, and this is the novel's primary problem. The plot moves at a fairly quick pace and goes off in about a thousand different directions, which would have made for a great read if I gave a gosh-darn about the characters. Which I didn't. Boo.

There was a little bit of tension but it was drawn out to such an extent that it became more annoying than enticing. Then, when the big reveal finally happened – I didn’t get it! To be fair, it was a very England-specific reference but even Google couldn’t really explain it. So, the big climax of the plot was pretty much lost on me.

BOO!!

The only parts of the book that I really liked were the children. There were some very touching scenes and whenever the book changed to one of their POVs, I was sucked back in. I think it’s safe to say that if the children hadn’t been present, I wouldn’t have finished the book.

So, in sum, I’m VERY SAD that I didn’t dig The Tennis Party. Mostly because it means my relationship with Sophie Kinsella is officially over.

*sobs*

However, Ms. Kinsella's Shopoholic books shall remain in my glass-doored bookcases because they’re awesome and I’ll love them forever. Such a bummer that there won’t be more of those because I really miss Rebecca Bloomwood/Brandon and all of her quirky hilarity.

*lights candle in remembrance*

Thanks to Heather and Katie for hosting!

Eleven Minutes of Pure Excitement

May has been a jam-packed month. Between birthdays, anniversaries, and writing a new manuscript, I’ve been neglecting this poor blog. 

*pets and whispers sweet nothings*

So, I’ve decided to have a little more structure to my posts because, let’s face it, everyone needs a little structure now-and-again. My original goal was to do a post every other day but that’s just not realistic for right now. Plus, I’ve kind of run out of things to write about. After some thought, I decided to create a weekly post. And because I got really into it, I made a button.

So what does this mean? It means that along with occasional posts about baking, cooking, books, fur babies, and photos, I’ll share a musing – a thought, if you will. Taking a bit of pressure off is always a good thing, right? And I can commit to a weekly musing post, right? RIGHT?! Haha!

All right, so let’s get to the actual musing!

*blows airhorn*

When The Remix and I started dating, we were board-game-aholics. Monopoly, backgammon, Sorry – we played them all. First, it was at the kitchen table. Then we moved to the couch. Finally, we took it to the bedroom, playing on top of the covers while propped up against the headboard. It was awesome and we loved it.

When we moved to New Brunswick, our board-game obsession kind of went away. I'm not really sure why, but it happened. 

Here's a sampling of our board games, stacked up in our front hall closet. Not exactly the kind of storage that implies frequent use.

A few weeks ago, though, we were bored.

B. Ored.

So, The Remix went to the closet and managed not to get pummeled by falling games picked out an old favourite: Yahtzee.

For those who are unfamiliar with Yahtzee, I’ll give you a brief lowdown. Each player (up to four) rolls five dice and gets three rolls per turn. The goal is to fill out the score chart, which you can see below.

But Jennie, you might ask, that doesn't sound very fun. Isn’t the title of this blog post “Eleven Minutes of Excitement? Where's the exciting part?”

Well, dear readers, let me break it down for you.

*draws back curtain*

The Top Six Reasons that Yahtzee is the Greatest Game Ever:

6. The dice make an awesome sound when you shake them in your hand and then toss them on a table. And it’s double awesome when playing on a glass table. Oh yeah, that’s a good sound.

5. It’s a fast game - not much more than eleven minutes, per round. That means that you can play at least two rounds, and then the inevitable tie-breaking round before you're over it. 

4. It’s super portable! All you need is the dice and the score sheet. You can Yahtzee on a plane, a boat, the beach (errr…not on the sand, though) – just about anywhere!

3. It makes you good better at math! I can’t tell you how much better I’ve gotten at doing addition in my head since our Yahtzee revival. There are lots of numbers, often DOUBLE DIGIT numbers that require precise calculation in order to determine the victor. That means that not only is the game fun but it’s also EDUCATIONAL! Sure, you could use a calculator but then it would be substantially LESS educational. Confession: okay, sometimes I use a calculator but only when my brain is broken.

2. The level of nervous anticipation you feel when you NEED the elusive Large Straight and have a 1, 2, 4, 5, 6 with only one roll left (oh, the ever elusive 3...damn you!). Or when you roll Four of A Kind in your first roll and then have two more rolls to sore a Yahtzee. This level of nervousness is obviously MUCH higher when the person you’re playing against has already gotten them. If only my novels had that much tension (I kid, I kid…they do! Haha).

1. The level of PURE EXCITEMENT that comes after successfully rolling what you need! No matter how many times I’ve played, I can’t help but throw my hands up and yell Yahtzee (or whatever else I was going for). Also, it's a great opportunity for a double-high-five. And who doesn't love a double-high-five?

Errr...I guess that technically you could play alone but it's far better with at least one other person. But this picture made me giggle, so it stays.

So tell me, what are your favourite board games?

Four Years (and Counting)

Four years ago today, we were on a beach in St. Lucia and a bird pooped on The Remix. Also, we got married.

Hard to believe that we almost need another hand to count. The years have gone by so quickly!

I woke up this morning to a lovely email from my Mum who put together some video clips from the week-long wedding vacation (totally cute, right?). It's not a public YouTube video so you'll have to copy and paste the link below if you'd like to watch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1m5JzRAcnMo&feature=email

Notable Video Moments:

At 1:21 - How many people does it take to pop champagne and NOT have the cork pollute the ocean? (I really REALLY didn't support cork ocean pollution).

3:08 - Is this thing on?

And at at 4:02, my Mother-in-Law shakes what her own mother gave her.

It was the best week ever and we were (and still are) so blessed to have such wonderful family and friends who support us. Watching the video reaffirms what amazing people we have in our lives. So, THANK YOU, those people who I am referring to and screw all of the others (haha...I kid, I kid...not really). 

So now I'm going to wait half and hour and then start making some bacon. The Remix just LOVES waking up to the sizzling sounds of maple bacon. Then, we're hopefully going to play golf for the first time this season. YAY for GOLF!

And look at these gorgeous flowers he got me (yesterday because today's a holiday and everything's closed...haha).

Happy Anniversary, babe!


Can't wait for the next one (fingers crossed for a trashy Vegas renewal)!

Birthday Party, Remix Style

This weekend, it was The Remix's birthday - his last before officially entering his mid-30s - so, that required a party.

And not just any party...a THEME party!

Why?

Because theme parties are way better than non-theme parties (obviously). 

One of The Remix's favourite shows is The Big Bang Theory so we decided on...

Sheldon Shirts!

And it was awesome!

Here's a small sampling of the shirts. We got...err...occupied and kind of forgot to take a group shot so three people are missing here. Also, there were a few wardrobe changes. Let's just say that there was a solid representation of comic book heros, 80s cartoons, and sci-fi movies. And just in case you can't read mine, it says: That's What She-Ra Said. Yeah, it's pretty much the greatest graphic tee of all-time.

In addition to the t-shirt madness, I also spent some time baking some of the Remix's Favourite Treats: Peanut butter & chocolate Rice Crispie squares, mini butter tarts, and peanut brittle cookies.

I'm not going to lie; I ate about a million of these.

Here's his cake - officially the hardest one I've ever made. In the future, I shall be avoiding designs that require straight edges. They suck.

It was a little chilly out but we were determined to have a fire. And by "we," I mean my BIL, who had never ending patience burning not-so-dry wood. Nicely done, BIL, nicely done. 

 All in all, it was a fantastic night and one for the memory books. Happy birthday baby!

The Nail Files: Wanna See My Peacock?

 

I've wanted to do a fade for a while so this week, I did!

China Glaze's Optical Illusion, In The Limelight (neon), Turned Up Turquoise (neon) and OPI's Fly.

That's two coats of In The Limelight on my pinky and thumb, Turned Up Turquoise on my ring and pointer finger and Fly on my middle. Then I put Optical Illusion over them all. You know, because sparkles are my life. Haha!

They totally remind me of a peacock, so naturally, I've been strutting around for the last few days, fanning my fingers at every opportunity. But can you blame me? Haha!

Thanks to Tara and Vicki for hosting!

Book Club Friday: Me, Myself and Why?

Woot, Woot! It's Friday. And I have a book to review! Double-awesome-ness!

This week (yesterday, in fact) I read this:

Which could be retitled as: “The Most Hilarious FBI Mystery Ever.”

Yeah, yeah, the premise isn’t terribly realistic but that couldn’t matter less. Ms. Davidson delivers so many witty punch lines, and ties them in seamlessly in her character development, that it won’t take long for you to believe that a twenty-something woman with Multiple Personality Disorder* would make a fantastic FBI agent.

But wait. Jennie, do you mean that the MC, Cadence, is an FBI agent with Multiple Personality Disorder?

Yes. Yes, that is exactly what I mean.

(I’ll give you a moment to let the concept sink in…….ready? Okay!)

So the plot is similar to any other FBI mystery. There’s a serial killer on the loose, called the Threefer Killer because s/he leaves bodies in multiples of three, and it’s up to Cadence to crack the case.

Or, I guess technically, it’s up to Cadence, Shiro and Adrienne.

Let me break it down:

Cadence is the dominant personality, so she’s pretty much in charge. I guess you could call her, “The Nice One.”

Shiro is the tougher personality and comes out when Cadence can’t deal with something. She’s really good at solving cases and focusing for a long time. Also, she’s super protective of Cadence, kind of like a stern mother who’d have you pinned on the ground in a choke-hold before you knew what hit you.

And then there’s Adrienne, who is a complete effing lunatic. Her chapters don’t make a whole lot of sense but that’s because she’s a primitive kind of personality. Essentially, she’s the most dangerous of the three because she acts on impulse and would beat you within an inch of your life before getting bored and then robbing a liquor store.

And did I mention that Cadence’s partner, George, is a diagnosed sociopath with a penchant for hideously tacky ties? There’s also a senior agent with an unhealthy obsession with knives, an agoraphobic secretary and a whole other slew of slightly unstable characters. There’s even a super-hot baker/love interest for Cadence, who made me want to do naughty things with buttercream icing. Very naughty things.

I will admit that the first few chapters are kind of confusing. Mostly because Cadence sometimes switches personalities mid-sentence, which makes for abrupt chapter ends and starts, but after the first four-or-so chapters, I settled right in.

The mystery itself is go-go-go, so between that and the amazingly hilarious characters, I read the book in less than four hours. Sure, the ending left me slightly confused but it didn't really bother me. I was just sad that it was over. 

So, this one belongs in the MUST READ pile. If you’re still unsure about it, I'll leave you with the first sentence of Ms. Davidson’s bio, which is on the inner flap. If I’d read it before, I would have picked up Me, Myself and Why? a long time ago:

“MaryJanice Davidson invented (a) her children and (b) the vampire chick-lit genre. Also the Internet. She is kind to (some) children and (occasionally) small animals, and enjoys referring to herself in the third person.”

 Bahaha. Oh, Ms. Davidson. I love you. 

Thanks to Heather and Katie for hosting.

*The new diagnosis is Dissociative Identity Disorder but that’s not what Ms. Davidson uses. She explains that it’s because nobody would know what she was talking about, which is probably true. 

Confirmed VIP Status

Because I'm one step away from needing to live in a bubble, The Remix and I don't get out much. One of our favourite things about living in Fredericton, though, is that we've been able to carve out a fairly germ-free lunch date. Mostly because there just aren't a lot of people here. Especially on Sundays when everyone's in church. 

Over the last few months, we've been going to East Side Mario's. Sure, it's a big-box restaurant but we like what we like...and we like-y the unlimited caesar salad and bread, very much. Plus, there's a bar section where we can sit, away from children (who are hard-core germ-carries and need to be avoided) as well as a back booth, where nobody needs to walk by to get to their table or the washrooms. So basically, we can be by ourselves and the only germs I'm exposed to are our server's and the chef's and it doesn't really get much better than that.

Last Saturday, we showed up but our regular server, Steph, wasn't working. 

Boo!!

Then we looked in the bar section and saw a staff meeting happening in our regular booth.

Double Boo!

While we hummed and hawed about what to do, one of the staff members (a guy that both The Remix and I swear we've never seen before) just happened to spot us standing by the front door, which is when The Remix whispered to me: Well we'd stay if they would get out of our table.

And you know what?

THEY DID!!

The staff member signalled to us that he needed a minute and then he started clearing the table. We weren't totally sure what was happening but within a minute or two, the manager came over and said that "our" table was ready.

OUR TABLE!

Let me be clear, here...there were NO other customers sitting in the ENTIRE bar area.

After joking with the majority of the restaurant's staff about whether we should be thanking them or bolting to our car from embarrassment, we settled in for our meal.

As per usual, it was delicious.

When the bill arrived, though, we noticed that our usual discount wasn't applied. Like I said, since we eat there every week, Steph (our regular server) gives us 10%-off. The Remix said not to worry about it but I love saving money so I wandered over to the manager to ask if we could still get the discount. She said she'd take care of it.

And take care of it, she did!

Not only did we get our 10% discount but then she gave us a card! With our names on it! That we can use and ANY East Side Mario's! 

FOREVER!

WeeeEEeeEEeEeeEEeeEEEEEEeeeeEEeeEe!!!

And, to make us feel even MORE special, she told us that we're the ONLY people in the WHOLE city who have one (they're usually reserved for corporate customers). 

*snaps*

So basically...what I'm saying is...we're super important. 

Well, at East Side Mario's, anyway, and that's good enough for us!

Bahaha!