In a
time when communication between unmarried persons of the opposite sex is so
proscribed by social mores, it is difficult to let a man know that you find him
attractive. In nine cases out of ten, a woman had better show more affection
that she feels because a man’s own natural diffidence might lead him to think
that she is not interested in him otherwise. But how to do so and maintain your
reputation? Read on for some techniques that will get the point across—unless
he is a blockhead, of course. But you wouldn’t want to marry a blockhead,
anyway.
Again,
the intro to this section shows me—right off the bat—that I’m in trouble…except for the blockhead bit, of course. That's hilarious!
1.
Flatter his vanity.
Tell him that he's funny and smart and good-looking? That sounds easy enough, right? WRONG! The Regency England kind of
flattery involves a woman listening to everything a man says with “great
interest,” admiring “everything” he does, and agreeing with him on all subjects.
It even goes as far to say that if you do disagree with him, you should
backpedal until he’s convinced that you agree with him.
Yeah.Right.
Points
earned: 0
2.
Talk about him to his relatives.
Relevant backstory: The Remix is a cousin of a girl I went to high school with. That girl and
I used to go running together, and sometimes we’d talk about him. Granted, it
wasn’t like she hooked the two of us up but still, she’s a relative and I talked
to her about him so I'm taking the point.
Points
earned: 1
3.
Offer to perform little services for him.
Such
services include mending his pen or stockings. Hmm…yeah, this one’s probably
not going to go in my favour. In fact, it might be a minus point because when
The Remix and I first started dating, he was a total clean freak. I mean, he
ironed his sheets and once, I caught him ironing his tube socks. Seven years
later, he now irons the collar and cuffs of shirts and occasionally wears
sweatpants to the grocery store. Oh, how I made him fall.
Points
earned: 0
4.
Ask him if he would like to go “stargazing.”
According
to The Manual, stargazing is the Regency England equivalent to “watching a
movie.” And as The Remix knows, I was all about asking him if he wanted to come
in at midnight to “watch a movie.” The Manual also states
if he’s too clueless to know what "stargazing" means, it’s time to rethink your
affection for the guy. Solid suggestion, if you ask me.
Points
earned: 1
5.
Keep your cool.
First
off, it really says to keep your cool! Haha!! Basically this point says that if he shows interest
in another lady, you’re supposed to pretend that you don’t care and then tease
him about his “conquests.”
Um…yeah…this
one’s kind of a given for me. OF COURSE I tease people—it’s kind of what I do.
And I’m not a jealous person by nature, so basically, I nailed this one. *fist pump*
Points
earned: 1
6.
Mirror his actions.
Yup,
this is exactly as it sounds—an excuse to become a stalker. Suggestions include
reading a book if he’s reading one and running after him when he goes for a
walk because it just happens to be the time for your “daily stroll in the
shrubbery.”
Side
story: When a pal and I were bumming around France in the summer of ’05, we
stayed with a family who continually told us to “not walk in the bushes.”
Because that’s obviously where we’d want to walk (not really). Maybe they thought we were living our lives according to The Jane Austen Manual...BAHAHA!!! Oh man, I couldn't even get through that one. As if we were ever that classy (right, LeDouf?).
Moving
on.
In
the immortal words of Taylor Swift, I have never,
ever, ever (in my entire history of dating) pretended to be into something
that I wasn’t. Like, ever.
Points
earned: 0
7.
Find him irresistible.
Okay,
well this one’s easy.
Points
earned: 1
Total
points for attracting a man: 4/7 = 57%
So,
to sum up, according to The Jane Austen Manual, I’m 58% of a lady and have
about a fifty-fifty chance of attracting a man. Not great, but I guess it could be worse.
How
many of these points did you get?
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