19.12.13

a tale of two christmas parties

One of my favourite parts about Christmastime is the parties. Work parties! Parties with friends! Family shindigs! Themed Ugly Christmas Sweater Parties! I LOVE THEM ALL! So, it's probably no surprise that I was super psyched for The Remix's work party, set to happen at a super-swanky restaurant in a wonderful part of the city. Living in New Brunswick was freaking awesome but there weren't many places where you could really dress up so we were pretty excited (YAY FOR ALL THE SHINY ACCESSORIES! Haha!). 

Side Note: The Remix was at this company for almost 11 years before we left, so he's kind of an old-timer, but this was the first Christmas party we went to because they were usually just for higher-ups, so we didn't know quite what to expect and were, therefore, a tad nervous.

The weather was horrible and the drive took twice as long as it should have but when we got to the restaurant, we were VERY happy we stuck it out. I mean, just look at how pretty the room was!

Okay, so this probably isn't the best picture because you can't see the massive, framed paintings on the wall, nor the MULTIPLE chandeliers and hand-painted ceiling but trust me, it was spectacular. Ha!

The party was set up kind of like a wedding reception, with a four-course meal and speeches in-between each serving. Usually, I'm not a huge fan of speeches because they can get a little boring but by the end of the night, the owner of the company had managed to personally acknowledge everyone (including The Remix, yay!). Quite the feat considering there are over 100 employees and the room was practically bursting with pride when the dinner part of the evening was over.

We had a lot of laughs and I was able to put some faces to names, which is always good and even though it took forever to get there, we were happy we made the effort.

But despite the awesomeness of the night and how much fun we had, it still wasn't enough to claim the coveted Best Work Christmas Party Ever Crown. 

You may be thinking: But Jennie, you said that it was swanky, heartwarming, and a super awesome time so how could it get better than that?

Well friends, sometimes it's not about those kinds of details. Sure, it's awesome to get dressed up and clap enthusiastically for people who deserve it but that doesn't make for a *great* story and since I'm all about The Great Story, my measuring gauge is somewhat different…

 (I'll warn you now that the rest of the post is borderline NSFW. There aren't any racy pictures, or even any swearing, but the content may be enough that you wouldn't want to be caught reading it at a conservative workplace. I bet you can't wait to keep reading now, haha!)

The Best Work Christmas Party Ever happened four years ago. We had been in New Brunswick for couple of months and were looking forward to getting to know the girlfriends/wives/partners of The Remix's work buddies because we were on the lookout for new couple-friends. Because we knew that the party was in the basement of a 50s-style diner, we opted for what we thought would be appropriate: a solid nice-casual look.


Well, it turns out that everyone else didn't think it was necessary to change out of their work clothes  before coming to the party (it was on a Friday) so we were the most overdressed couple there. Especially when you compared us to the one dude who was sporting grey sweatpants. You know the ones. With elastic hems? Made of cotton? That are designed predominantly for little kids or avid gym-goers in the 80s?

Yeah. Those.


Anyway, the night was kind of weird because it wasn't really a get-to-know-you affair as much as it was a get-shitfaced-soirée and that's not really our scene. The drinking died down a bit during the buffet but after the silver buffet trays were taken away and the DJ started playing music, it was all about the booze. Usually, drunkenness equals dancing but the dance floor stayed empty for a while until one couple, composed of the sweatpants-wearer and his girlfriend, took to the floor with vigour that rivalled a John Travolta/Olivia Newton-John number. It was super cute, as they only had eyes for each other, but then things started to get…well…awkward. 

They started kissing and before long, were full-on making out. And by making out, I mean that they moved across the dance floor until the girl's back was against the wall and the guy got to second base.  Please don't forget that there was nobody else dancing, so they were basically on display. I looked at The Remix, who was just as shocked/entertained as I was but everyone else just stole a glance and went back to their conversations. Confused that no one thought it was a big deal, we tried our best to ignore them (read: not stare too hard while giggling--yes, we are those kinds of people). 

Well, apparently the sweatpants-wearer and his girlfriend weren't too happy that they weren't the centre of attention so they moved their show to the tables where the buffet had been. Within seconds, she was sitting on the table with her legs wrapped around sweatpants-wearer's waist but before we could really process what was happening, she had leaned back and he was on top of her.


No, I'm not kidding. Just to recap: we were at a Christmas work party, the same party where sweatpants-wearer's parents were in attendance, and they were on top of the former buffet tables, grinding away like they were rehearsing a soft-core movie.

Needless to say, it was mind-blowing. 

They weren't there for long, though, because although fevered making-out against a wall was okay, former-buffet-table-grinding was over the line so one of the sweatpants-wearer's friends broke them up. They unhappily obliged and eventually got off the table, straightened their shirts and then walked back to the bar, which is when I almost choked on my wine and died.

Why did I almost die?

Think about it.

Man.
Sweatpants.
Heavy Grinding.
Unavoidable Physiological Reaction Of Heavy Grinding.
Sweatpants.

Did you get there? Are we on the same page? 

I'm talking about a sweatpant-boner situation, people! He literally led himself to the bar.


It was as ridiculous as it was amazing. I mean, he was in his thirties! And it was a CHRISTMAS PARTY. His PARENTS WERE THERE. Did he not know what would happen? Did he just not care?  THERE ARE JUST SO MANY QUESTIONS! Haha!

So although we've been to some super classy and fun work Christmas parties, including the one last weekend where I got to wear my fancy Kate Spade Ice Queen Bib (OhemgeeIloveitsomuch) the Night Of The Sweatpants Boner remains my favourite because you just can't make that shit up. Haha!

Do you have a good work Christmas/Holiday party story? Preferably one with some embarrassing inappropriateness? Ha!



5 comments:

Bailie @ The Hemborg Wife said...

Like how!?!?!?!?!? O wow some people right!!

aka Bailey said...

Hahahahahahahahahahah.....



.......aaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahah.

Jennie. I am DYING over here. Hahaha, such a great story. And so well-told. Hahah.... phew. Thanks for the giggs, girl.


.... HAHAHAHA.

Bailey
aka Bailey

Toria Mason said...

Oh. My. Gosh! I would just die. That's insane. And sooo tacky. And I think the worst part is that for the most part everyone was ignoring it! Wow. Just wow.

Guess some people just have no class or dignity or shame. Sad. Very sad.

Glad you had fun at your parties though, and got a good story out of it! haha

SeattleSarahSpeaks said...

Oh. My. God !!! I think I would have prob sat there with my jaw on the floor until I saw said sweatpants situation...then I would die laughing. That is so insane! And hilarious. What a crazy!

Belle Vierge said...

I'm not sure what I was expecting from NSFW, but that was NOT it. However, the second you pointed out that someone was wearing sweatpants, I did see where this was going...

Beau Vierge and I went to his work's Christmas party a few weeks back. It is a swanky affair with ice sculptures, an open bar (beer & wine only), shrimp cocktail, sushi, a carving station, a chocolate fountain, a live band, a photo booth, the whole nine yards. It was lots of fun! Especially because I got to spend more time getting to know his work friends, since eventually I'll be living there too, and I'll need friends.